After being a mama, these days I have more of mamas surrounding me. I interact with more mothers than what I had ever done in the past life. And these interactions, observations gives me so many opportunities to quote of on my blog. One such topic, rather a very vast one and super close to my heart is of “Positive Parenting”. I believe I shall take many posts to cover this topic, but here, I wanted to focus on Part I 0f Positive Parenting tips which I have been following.
10 Positive Parenting Hacks (Part I) for Parents :
1. Let them be what they are :
If they wish to dirty themselves in the sand with friends, don’t stop. Just ask them to be not put dirt in mouth, else it’s okay to make those beautiful castles and get dirtied. Supervise and watch them but don’t govern them always.
In playground, I hear mamas saying: D be careful, climb stairs carefully, look there is a kid on the slide, wait till he goes away and blah blah..Parents, your kids are not in the park for the first time. They very well know the environment there and can take their own decisions.
Your role is just to keep a watch on them. They will fall, get up on their own and play again. That is how it has to be!
2. Let your child help you with daily house chores :
Toddlers, Pre-schoolers need to understand that every member of the family has to contribute in small or big way. Performing the chores together also binds the family and brings all members more close. Engaging kids instils a sense of responsibility. If you have coriander to clean, let your kid help you out with. Segregate the tasks and perform it in a fun way. Kids will have a much better developmental trajectory.
3. Don’t be a referee, let them handle things :
Quit barging in every time you see a conflict between friends or siblings. Let them handle it their own way. Encourage them to find solutions to the problems rather than “you” pointing out who was correct and who was not. If you continue to be a referee, you’ll see that kids start complaining of their sibling or friend, whenever they don’t get what they want. They will always want you to take their sides and solve the problem. Opt out of those situations and ask kids to tackle it themselves. Basis their decision, later that day, during your personal time, you can have a one one one empathetic discussion on the happenings of the day and make your kid explain of suitable behaviour. But at the spot , allow him to solve the panic created.
4. Let the choices be restricted wrt Play , Food , clothing :
I see over pampering as a synonym to Positive Parenting. But is it supposed to be? Over pampering will not help kids anyway. Sometimes I see that a mom is readying up with 2-3 dishes in dinner for the children, simple reason, if they don’t eat one, they have the option of another dish. Why so? Kids need to understand that their plates will have the same food as other family members. Let them not go too choosy. More the choices, more the tantrums as they grow and understand. They will never understand what it is to “not get something they wish” in life. They should be allowed to fail, get up, and rise up again to succeed, rather than producing everything they want with a magic wand.
5. Allow them to fail :
Let them stumble, let them taste failure to be Successful ! As parents or caretakers, we ensure a complete boundary of protection for our kids. A little fall & we are there to pick them up. When in the garden with bunch of kids, we are there to help our child stand out in every scenario amongst other kids. If a child cries his heart out, we tend to give him what he wants or desires. But is this the way life will pass for them? No, they will face heartbreaks, they will have to face failures in one junction. So why not, we let them get into the idea of failing & succeeding, right early in the life. Helping them to overturn the obstacles is a learning that needs to be inculcated for Positive Parenting.
6. Encourage Pretend Plays and Readings :
Pretend plays are must to help kids explore the world and open up to learning in a practical and fun way. Get involved in role plays, create small scenarios, get kids related things and help them have a practical learning with fun.
Encourage Reading, Reading is a beautiful habit and an important “Positive Parenting” tip to inculcate in a kid. From just looking at pictures to trying to figure the alphabets, to reading the words and then sentences is a beautiful transition. At least 30 min a day should be reserved for reading, be it good reads, or stories with some learnings. It plays a great impact on kids learning curves and many positive behaviours can be taught in a story manner.
7. Involve in fun things as a family or with friends :
Go for play dates to nearby park or gather at a friends house. Let’s kids get involved with other kids to learn socialising, sharing and caring. Getting involved will help them gain team spirit and attain a better cognitive development. They’ll learn to be more decisive, friendly and enjoy a positive happy growth.
8. Set limits but after making them understand :
Stop saying “No” always. Rather than saying a direct no, divert the situation in a positive manner. The other day, my 3year old kid suddenly had an urge to go to the garden at 8pm and ride his new scooter there. Saying No could have aggravated him, knowing his recent love for the new scooter. I tried saying that it was dark outside and all babies had gone to sleep. You may ride inside and in the morning when sun comes out, we all will go to the park to enjoy. He resented once, I took him to look outside the window, and got his “Yes” that this was not a right time to go. Sometimes, “No” has to be said in a constructive manner and not directly to get a smiling “Yes” from kids.
9. Opt for minimum 30-45 one on one time with your child a day:
That should be the time with no disturbance, no gadgets but only you and your kid connecting mentally and emotionally. Talk to him about his day, activities, foods, friends and anything. Hear him up, get to know his thoughts on ever increasing knowledge. Each day makes him learn plethora of new things, so don’t miss that time to understand kids and their behaviour. Such a time helps a kid to connect emotionally and calm down as well. It’s the time, when he gets a sense of full belongingness.
10. Some days are bad days, Ignore them :
Don’t punish or yell at kids! Punishing, yelling, time outs are more disastrous and help nothing apart from impacting the innocent brains of kids. It creates a rift in the mind of a child as well as in parents. Explain kids in an empathetic manner once, may be twice. If not, leave the battle zone for some time and come back later with a different topic. You’ll see that the atmosphere has calmed down without any extra melodrama. Later during the day, you can have one to one discussion of the “unexpected behaviour” in a calm manner and get a nod of better attitude next time.
Hey mama’s and daddy’s, what are some of your parenting hacks? I see the parenting has changed a lot and most of the kids are getting over pampered. Do you feel, it is the right way? Share your views.