It’s not always rosy, it has its share of tears, frustrations, annoyance, but still Motherhood if understood emotionally, is the best phase a woman can have in her life.
How much it pained me to read that a new mom threw her 25 day old daughter into the garbage dump, just due to her incessant cries. That infant would have been in her purple period. Shocking, nerve wrenching, just a line got me goosebumps and my heart melted with tears flowing across. How can a mommy’s heart do that? What actually went wrong? Can a mother kill her own legal newborn just because she was hearing her cries? The mother of that really unfortunate baby gave the statement that she was angry and frustrated of looking after her new born. The destiny didn’t save her and the lil infant went back in the arms of God, once again, due to skull fracture. An innocent life was taken away, by the one who gave her this life!
The images of cute kids smiling, giving hugs, laughing along with moms on social media, is not always a reality. Every mom has to go through some challenges while raising her child, sometimes on a harsher side as well. It takes a lot of patience, perseverance, backbreaking work, tons of emotional drainage to raise a child positively. It demands sacrifices, sometimes even of our own cherished desires to give our babies all the love happily. There can be many small mistakes we do as parents, and till the time they do not affect a child on a huge scale, its just okay. But to take the life out of our own baby, is something, even God can never forgive.
And to attain all this, it has to be responsible, aware parenting, right from the day a woman conceives and dreams of an adorable baby.
For this, I believe in few things which a woman, rather to be parents, should involve into :
1. Planned Pregnancy :
Do plan that you really want a baby. Many couples rush to have baby because of the parental pressures or sometime due to age factors as well. But, the most important is, plan for a baby, only when you as a couple, are ready to take over the responsibility. It entails emotional, physical and financial drains, ask your inner self if you are ready or you still want some time? Be happy with whatever your decision is.
2. Counselling / Discussions :
Discussions with experienced friends, colleagues, or counselling helps a lot. Once you get to know the journey of someone closer, it helps you prepare mentally of the ups and downs you get to meet in this phase.
Apart from that, many advanced hospitals, training institutes conduct before and after birth counselling sessions. Try to be a part of that along with your partner. The insights they share, helps to be mama’s and papa’s to understand the complexities in pregnancy, the after effects of baby birth, and they answer many “How to” after your precious baby comes into this world.
I have always wanted that government should make regulations for the hospitals to conduct these counselling sessions and mandatory trainings all over. It can make parents head strong for the life ahead.
3. Parenting Blogs/ Parenting Forums :
Reading out parenting blogs which state parents experiences frame up one’s mind. Many blogs have varied experiences and stories and this can help you to know how different the journey to motherhood or parenthood is. Sometimes sweet, at times sour and even bitter. Reading such blogs will make you emotionally stronger and you’ll be able to handle challenges positively.
Apart from blogs, there are many Parenting forums on Facebook, they are of immense knowledge and help. You can post your queries, wherein other mama’s can help you with sharing their experiences. The more you interact and read, the more you get to know of Motherhood and Parenting. Don’t turn this bliss into a miss!
4. Self time and Meditation :
Mothering is not easy, believe me! A mother tends to keep all her passions on the shelf due to the lack of time. But, don’t forget your passions, your frequency may slow down, but don’t put a full stop. Our hobbies makes our inner self smile. Hang out with friends, do savour on street foods, pamper yourself with spa’s, dance to the soulful music. Meditation is something, which can be practised in every situation on every day. It’ll keep you calm, tone down your extra emotions, make you feel energetic. More so, during stressful hours, meditating for 20-30 minutes can help you say bye bye to that stress and in turn make you lot healthier and happier. Meditation is bible to my life, I try to do it daily for a better Me!
5. Ask for help :
Raising kids is stressful, being a first time mom, one can many times miss out the reason as to why child is crying, why is he/she not feeding, what all should a baby be fed upon, approach if a child is not well. And in all these situations, a small help from family and friends can go a long way for us. Ask your partner to share the responsibilities. He needs to help you for your baby. If you are with your baby, take help from family members to cook a small meal. Be relaxed! Things happen, but find out a calming and best way to tackle certain situation. Don’t flow with the negative emotions.
And Why to feel shamed, if you need some help? You’re not master of all and that is okay. We all have certain set of qualities, so I’m sure we lose out on some, which others might have. And to me, its a very normal thing. I love asking for help to my family and friends and in turn I have plethora of suggestions to opt from. Isn’t that incredible? I chose the best one that fits me and I’m a happy soul. No stress and help, makes your day!
Think, think and again think, before you take any step. Give a pause when you are flowing with negativity.
I would love to know your thoughts also, how can we make new parent’s expectation realistic? What do you think should couples and parents involve in, to ensure that the road to Parenthood is well traced. Share your views in the comment box.
Happy Parenting,
Love
This post is also written as a part of the #AlexaTheIncredible campaign hosted by #womenbloggerwb”
Parenting can be tough, and complicated. It helps to be prepared and have a good support system. It’s sad to hear of tragic stories in the news.
Parenting is hard work and a good support system is everything. But, it is important to have self confidence because Lord knows you need it.
The first thing is never go for a child if you are not ready! Today ever man and lady has a dream, a career and an individual life! When one is not ready for a child, a child will be mentally and psychologically draining and frustrating! One should Always be prepared before going for a pregnancy
Truly said, we need to have clear mindset before taking up the responsibility
Media ration is indeed a key to many problems! It is magical and helps immensely in improving the situation
It is always important to plan properly before pregnancy as parenting is not easy task ..You have to be prepare mentally and physically for that..very nice post.
True Snigdha!
Oh God! This is so sad. Postpartum depression is really worrisome. People should be counselled properly and loved one should be around the mom to help and support.
I really feel the point 5 ask for help is always essential in parenting. And unless you ask people will not understand what you need.
Perfect, I always asked for the smallest of the helps I needed after the birth of my baby. And it really helped me managing my stress.
You know mom health is seriously neglected after a baby is born. She is expected to become an all sacrificing 24 hour robot. She needs help, like probably this mother did
Ya, mom considers herself secondary after the baby birth and hence stress is sure to come by. We all need emotional and mental support during this phase.
I want to be a parent so bad! I know it is work, but as a woman, I feel like it’s my natural right and I want to jump on it!
Parenting is verybhard especially when it comes to handling young kids and teenagers. And especially when they become as stubborn as I was. I am so proud of my mum; she really worked so hard to nurture us into responsible kids. I agree that it is very important to ask for help when it becomes necessary.
Parenting is tough especially for new moms.But my advice is that, new parenst should seek councelling before they start having kids.
My BFF is a mental health therapists and the stories she tells me ppd are soooo sad. I didn’t realize how significant it was until I met her. I wish the general public embraced it more.
True, this is a case of PPD only and a women needs to understand things clearly .
I remember my friend once say this, it’s really hard to be a mother, but at the same time she’s in love and grateful too. I think she ask for some help and search or read some books and blogs especially on first time parent. Kudos to all parents, really!
Thanks Laurence, great that she is into discussing with other parents and reading blogs. It would have helped her a lot certainly.
Having children is a lifelong commitment. Even though I could not have children of my own, I have helped care for foster children, and it is difficult, but so rewarding at the same time. I believe that all couples need to take some counseling before the they start the journey of raising a family.
That’s so true Nicole, Counselling sets in a wonderful frame of mind and acceptance to the changes kids bring along.
Parenting is extremely hard and many go into it without understanding the work involved. It makes me so sad.
I think parenting is a challenge, but also highly rewarding. I think it’s very important that you shouldn’t be a parent unless you feel ready. It’s a huge commitment & huge responsibility.
That story in the beginning of your post is absolutely heartbreaking. Parenting can be very draining, especially as a new mom and PPD is very real, which I imagine was what this mom was dealing with. So sad. Personally, I think the self care and support are extremely important.
Yea, even i had assumed that this mom would have been dealing with PPD, but she asked for no support and took this tragic step! God bless every child and parent.
I have been coming across such things only in the past couple of years and True it does pain to even hear of them. Stress seems to be an issue every body is going through these days. Mindfulness is the need of the hour
Yes, mindfulness is truly the need today.
This woman experienced a severe form of postpartum depression called postpartum psychosis. It is devastating, and terrifying, that it can get to this stage. As someone who went through PPD/PPA made worse by a concussion I sustained during the process of giving birth to my second, I was constantly afraid I would “just snap.” I chose to get help, even though it took ALOT of working my way throug the system and going to different doctors for the proper support. Some women just don’t have the energy, understanding or support system in place to get the medical help they need.
Ya, even I felt that she had serious PPD, but I was sad that she was not prepared for the challenges and never looked for support
That first story ripped my heart out. I can’t speak on behalf of being a parent and I imagine it is harder than anyone can imagine but I think finding a community to bond with during the trying times would make a huge difference!
It shattered me too and hence I came with this post to support all new moms of methods to deal with the stress.
Love the insights you have shared…
The tips and advise you have shared would be of great help once I become a parent too… These tips are sure to go a long way
Asking for help is such a big thing when it comes to raising kids. It’s so easy to feel alone at times. And as a single parent it’s extra easy to get that feeling. But you have to overcome it because you aren’t alone and people can help.
Yes, this is what we all need to understand, most of the parents have the same journey and taking help only helps us!
Being a mother takes a lot of love and patience. I could never imagine being so overwhelmed that I throw my baby away though, that takes a mental issue.
That is really sad. Women also experience postpartum depression after giving birth. A help is really needed in those times.
One of my friends (who is a mum) told me she can`t imagine her life without her mum being around to help her. Sharing responsibilities with your partner is also essential. It`s crucial to talk, seek advice and ask for help when new mums feel overwhelmed. I know it`s probably easy to say it, but not impossible to do.
Parenting definitely has its share of difficult times. But at the end of the day, my children are my world and I can’t imagine life without them! It pains me to read these awful stories in the news.
The news was truly heartbreaking. Can’t even imagine what the little baby must’ve gone through before she breathed her last. We all find the challenges of parenting overwhelming at times but snapping or taking some extreme step is never an option.