Stop yelling, start Understanding kids!
Yelling silences your message..Speak quietly so that your kids can hear your words instead of just voice !!
“A year back, we were at a small kids party. Between the fun, we saw 2 kids making a mess out of cheeseling’s. Their mum’s took turns to convince them to stop, but they didn’t, after-all it was fun for them. And it ended with some yelling’s and suddenly everything sounded callous to me. Though I could see the guilt and remorse in a mum’s heart, I saw anger in the eyes of kids. Many days pass anguishing about these incidents, and we are unable to figure out How to deal with it.
I believe that could be the story of most of the parents. Even I have such days. Parenthood is a real test of patience and Understanding. Instead of yelling while a mess is being created, why not indulge in some “Creative de-cluttering”? Sounds cheesy?
So with those “chocos” spread across the room, why not make a teddy figure with your baby. They’ll be happy and while making the teddy, explain them to value and respect the food, else the teddy would become angry. I saw my child promising never create this mess and smiling, we cleaned it up together. This is a real incidence when Master A was a super active Three-nager. And it taught me to deal such moments with fun and learning instead of ending up with shouting and banging your head!
An experiment got successful : “Say NO to yelling at kids”
I was discussing out this topic with my elder sister and she narrated her example.
[God has gifted me with amazing 2 kids. But along with the pleasure of looking them grow, every step of motherhood has posed me with numerous challenges. God has tested me as a parent, as a human. I’ve myself tried to raise the bar and change my personality traits to help them grow better as humans.
I tried challenging myself not to shout at my kids, for around a month. It was indeed highly difficult to practise for initial few days, when I just lost my temper. Only to be reminded few moments later of the practise match. But finally I did that. ]
Here is the conclusion of the experiment :
Lower down expectations :
After all Kids are kids! We can’t expect them to be elders with enough maturity at the age of 4 or even at 10. “Trying to control kids all the time will leave them, as well as us, frustrated. Similar to an adult they too have a bad hair day, when they are fussy and difficult, they refuse to listen to you. But then we need to watch our expectations as they are still learning, growing and figuring out how to handle things independently.
Change the approach :
“When they refuse to listen, better take a different approach. Instead of yelling, regain composure, walk away, take a deep breath and come back with a smile. Make them sit down calmly and explain them the things earnestly. See how well they resort to you”.
There can be some really sweet and incredible moments in your lap when you are at peace with your child and he speaks up his heart. It isn’t possible at all if you are squalling at them, believe me.
Control Yourself :
Most of the time the trigger to yell, is not the kids, but you yourself. “Either we face a worrisome situations in office or at home, or are exhausted, or are struggling to complete a to-do list. Whatever may be the reason, we have to remind ourselves, “C’on, it’s a bad hair day, lull! Its okay to not be perfect.” It works really well to keep yells at a bay.
Do we yell at our kids in public? NO, cause we know we are being judged. But then understand, who are the one we want to be judged by? Isn’t it our own kids. Don’t we want a ‘Best MOM’ tag from our munchkins. Just let them bask in mom’s & dads love.
It overall feels awesome, when we are not yelling. I go to bed feeling contented, happy and guilt-free. I wake up more confidently to parent my child lovingly and patiently. My child too is calmer, with lesser meltdowns. He becomes more vocal and tells quite often, “I love u mama! You are world’s best mommy.” And the resonance just betters off everywhere.
Happy at work and contended with all we face everyday! That’s what we need. Don’t you all agree with me?
The experiment was a huge success. She says, “I have forgone the phases of Screaming or shouting at kids. Gone are the days when my screamy behaviour used to make them reciprocate similarly on many instances. After all what they see is what they learn. That has actually made my life more composed and my kids are turning out to be polite and confident beings.”
This practise indeed calls for a replication. Why not Copy with Pride and rejoice the fun of being loving. Definitely control wrong behaviours, do not loosen the strings there. The only thing which is getting changed is “dealing with those behaviours”. Choose interactive approach and have an explanatory story on the table. Think there are thousands of people around and you have to correct your kids behaviour. Go for a Friendly deal and have the bun for yourself.
Enjoy Loving and Forget yelling!