Say NO to yelling
Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so that your kids can hear your words instead of just voice !!
“A year back, we were at a small kids party. Between the fun, we saw 2 kids making a mess out of cheese-lings. Their mums took turns to convince them to stop, but they didn’t, after all, it was fun for them. And it ended with some yelling’s and suddenly everything sounded callous to me. Though I could see the guilt and remorse in a mum’s heart, I saw anger in the eyes of kids. Many days pass anguishing about these incidents, and we are unable to figure out How to deal with it.
I believe that could be the story of most of the parents. Even I have such days. Parenthood is a real test of patience and Understanding. Instead of yelling while a mess is being created, why not indulge in some “Creative de-cluttering”? Sounds cheesy?
So with those “chocos” spread across the room, why not make a teddy figure with your baby. They’ll be happy and while making the teddy, explain them to value and respect the food, else the teddy would become angry. I saw my child promising never create this mess and smiling, we cleaned it up together. This is a real incidence when master A was a super active Threenager. And it taught me to deal with such moments with fun and learning instead of ending up with shouting and banging your head!
An experiment got successful: “Say NO to yelling at kids”
I was discussing out this topic with my elder sister and she narrated her example.
[God has gifted me with amazing 2 kids. But along with the pleasure of looking them grow, every step of motherhood has posed me with numerous challenges. God has tested me as a parent, as a human. I’ve tried to raise the bar and change my personality traits to help them grow better as humans.
I tried challenging myself not to shout at my kids, for around a month. It was indeed highly difficult to practice for the initial few days when I just lost my temper. Only to be reminded a few moments later of the practice match. But finally, I did that. ]
Here is the conclusion of the experiment:
Lower down your expectations:
After all, kids are kids! We can’t expect them to be elders with enough maturity at the age of 4 or even at 10. “Trying to control kids all the time will leave them, as well as us, frustrated. Similar to an adult they too have a bad hair day, when they are fussy and difficult, they refuse to listen to you. But then we need to watch our expectations as they are still learning, growing, and figuring out how to handle things independently.
Change the approach:
“When they refuse to listen, better take a different approach. Instead of yelling, regain composure, walk away, take a deep breath, and come back with a smile. Make them sit down calmly and explain to them the things earnestly. See how well they resort to you”.
There can be some really sweet and incredible moments in your lap when you are at peace with your child and he speaks up his heart. It isn’t possible at all if you are squalling at them, believe me.
Most of the time the trigger to yell is not the kids, but the emotions juggling with us. “Either we face a worrisome situation in office or at home, or are exhausted, or are struggling to complete a to-do list. Whatever may be the reason, we have to remind ourselves, that, it’s a bad hair day, lull! It’s okay to not be perfect.” It works well to keep yells at a bay.
Do we yell at our kids in public? NO, cause we know we are being judged. But then understand, who is the one we want to be judged by? We want to be the best in front of our kids, don’t we? Just let them bask in the love of parents.
It overall feels awesome, when we are not yelling. I go to bed feeling contented, happy, and guilt-free. I wake up more confidently to parent my child lovingly and patiently. My child too is calmer, with lesser meltdowns. He becomes more vocal and tells quite often, “I love u, mama! You are the world’s best mommy.” And the resonance just betters off everywhere. That’s what we need. Don’t you all agree with me?
The experiment was a huge success. She says, “I have forgone the phases of Screaming or shouting at kids. Gone are the days when my screamy behavior used to make them reciprocate similarly in many instances. After all, what they see is what they learn. That has made my life more composed and my kids are turning out to be polite and confident beings.”
This practice indeed calls for a replication. Why not copy with Pride and rejoice the fun of being loving. Control wrong behaviors, do not loosen the strings there. The only thing which is getting changed is “dealing with those behaviors”. Choose an interactive approach and have an explanatory story on the table. Think there are thousands of people around and you have to correct your kid’s behavior. Go for a Friendly deal and have the bun for yourself.
Enjoy Loving and Forget yelling!