Stop yelling, start loving kids!
“Looking at my kid making a mess of those cheeselings throughout the room, just made me forget of my basic etiquettes. I shouted at the top of my voice and my kid reciprocated that, not agreeing to listen and stop the mess. I couldn’t stop myself yelling at him. Feeling guilty later on of scolding him, he settled to something else very soon. But then, he was angry with me for the rest of the day. I was remorseful later that day but then…..!!! Similar days pass by many times a week and we just end up feeling tired, pissed of, unable to know “How to deal with”.
I believe that could be the short story of most of the parents. Parenthood is a real test of patience, self -manners and being tactic. Let’s get on to read something very interesting and of utmost importance in our and our kids lives.
Stop Yelling at Kids! Build Interests!!
We’re all born and blessed with a unique trait, which grows (if given an opportunity) and lives throughout our life. Same stands true for our little bundle of joys. They are unique in their own being. They have their own love and interests which grow and develop with time. If given an opportunity at the right time with right direction, their passion will undoubtedly make them a mature and better professional. We as a parent should understand and respect this, which will help us in guiding and nurturing them as they mature.
Instead of yelling while a mess is being created, why not indulge in something creative of that mess? So with those cheeselings spread across the room(as such couldn’t be eaten), why not just made a teddy with your baby. He will be happy and while doing make him understand not to repeat it, else this teddy will become angry. And you’ll see he will promise you never to do it! Smiling, clean the mess :). Deal such moments with fun and learning instead of ending up with shouting and banging your head!
Don’t shout or scream at kids for something “Unexpected”:
Try changing your behaviour and initiate the same with “Observing” your kids.
1. Observe: Keep a check by observing their consistent behaviour, the way they talk, react and express. Look at their developing interests, likes and dislikes. Some may be acceptable and progressive which needs to be promoted and others which aren’t, need to be worked upon.
2. Take a look around, what all things he/she is indulging in. Who all people & friends he is interacting with, not to forget, you are one of them. The roots of most of the unacceptable behaviour in kids lies here only. When kids go not get time from their parents, they seek for it from others or sometimes just live in by themselves. They forget to speak out their minds. Giving ample amount of your quality time, talking and listening will solve many of their problems and grow them to be sensible. At the same time, it will help build a strong bond.
3. Question: Asking open ended questions will help relieve many issues running inside a child’s brain. Reassuring and encouraging them on and off will boost their confidence and positive outlook. But beware not to overdo, as constantly praising them, no matter what, will only handicap them to deal with criticism and failure.
4. Be diplomatic: Try never to sound too low or show sudden anger at their questions. A child’s brain is processing so much looking at the surroundings. Home, School, Friends, Play time, all teach him different things and manners. Some can be positive and some negative too. You can’t put a full stop on not allowing your child a play time(park) if he develops some bad habit with his friends there.
Even if a child asks something he shouldn’t, try answering him in a polite manner that it could be not of his concern.
Try taking his changing habits in a better manner. Wean off those “Bad” things or learnings in a gradual manner by trying to change surroundings/ explaining with examples. Give your ample time to listen your kids mind and heart out. Taking help of teachers and elders also matter a lot.
5. Support and promote innate qualities: Leave no stone unturned in improving his god gifted skills which will further build his confidence. A child cannot excel in everything, not always the one you fancy. Understand his bent of mind and ability, then polish him accordingly.
Imposing your interests and expectations on your child might land him up in not so favourable place. You never know, a child may come up with a smarter idea. Love and respect them as an individual and see them grow and become an independent soul.
6. A parent should be aware of not just ‘what he says’ but ‘how he says’. The way things are said leave a lasting impression and affects not just the present behaviour of kids but also how they react to situations in future. Continued exposure to a particular type of behaviour will lead to their brains being hard wired in the same way. Using positive tone and positive statements will lead to positive reactions.
Our kids grow in our image so we have to parent them with utmost care. Screaming at them will do no good to them or to us, rather make them more rebellious and resentful.
An experiment got successful : “SAY NO to yelling at kids”
Words of my sister “God has gifted me with amazing 2 kids. But along with the pleasure of looking them grow, every step of motherhood has posed me with numerous challenges. God has tested me as a parent, as a human. I’ve myself tried to raise the bar and change my personality traits to help them grow better as humans.
I tried challenging myself not to shout at my kids, for around a month. It was indeed highly difficult to practise for initial few days, when I just lost my temper. Only to be reminded few moments later of the practise match. But finally I did that and sharing the points I extracted while this experiment.
- Lower down expectations: After all Kids are kids! We can’t expect them to be elders with enough maturity even at the age of 4 or at 10. “Trying to control kids all the time will leave them, as well as us frustrated. Similar to an adult they too have a bad hair day, when they are fussy and difficult, they refuse to listen to you”. But then we need to watch our expectations as they are still learning, growing and figuring out how to handle things independently.
- Change Approach: “When they refuse to listen, better take a different approach. Instead of yelling, regain composure, walk away, take a deep breath and come back with a smile. Make them sit down calmly and explain them the things earnestly. See how well they resort to you”. There can be some really sweet and incredible moments in your lap when you are at peace with your child and he speaks up his heart. It isn’t possible at all if you are squalling at them, believe me.
- Control Yourself: Most of the time the trigger to yell, is not the kids, but you yourself. “Either we face a fight in office or at home, or are exhausted, or are struggling to complete a to-do list. Whatever may be the reason, we have to remind ourselves, “C’on, it’s a bad hair day, lull! Its okay to not be perfect.” It works really well to keep yells at bay”. Do we yell at our kids in public? NO, cause we know we are being judged. But then understand, who are the one we want to be judged by? Isn’t it our own kids. Don’t we want a ‘Best MOM’ tag from our munchkins. Just let them bask in mom’s & dads love.
- It overall feels awesome, when we are not yelling. She says,“I go to bed feeling contented, happy and guilt-free. Wake up more confident to parent my kids lovingly and patiently. My kids too are calmer, with lesser meltdowns. They are more vocal and tell quite often, “We love u mom! You are world’s best mommy.” And the resonance just betters off everywhere. Happy at work and contended with all we face everyday!
That’s what we need. Don’t you all agree with me?
The experiment was a huge personal success, for me, my kids and yes I really practise “No Yelling” to them. I have forgone the phrases of Screaming or shouting at kids. Gone are the days when my screamy behaviour used to make them reciprocate similarly on many instances. After all what they see is what they learn. That has actually made my life more composed and my kids are turning out to be polite and confident beings. – My sister narrates.
Parents, this advice and practise indeed calls a replication! “COPY WITH PRIDE HERE” and rejoice the fun of being loving. Yes control wrong behaviours, do not loosen the strings there. The only thing which has changed is “Dealing”. Opt to an “interactive approach”. Have an “Explanatory story on the table”. Think there are thousands of people around and you have to correct your kids behaviour. Go for a “Friendly deal” and have the bun for yourself:)
Enjoy Loving and Forget yelling!
Thanking my sis for the excerpt!
If you just plan to read introducing Drawing & painting for your baby, its right here!