Parents Zone

The dilemma of One child or more?

Dilemma of one child or more

It’s difficult, really very challenging to decide..one kid or more kids? The perspective varies so much. Me being a working mother, staying away from the family due to our work commitments feel this so debatable. It’s all on me and my husband to look after the house, work, our kid. This makes the ride tough and day by day it is getting tougher to decide.

This subject has diverse opinions, with as many people you speak to, you get varied thoughts but all seems convincing. And hence the queue of confusion begins. The final binding opinion is for sure a personal choice, but I have kept this post open for discussion from all the fellow mamas and daddy’s.

Mixed opinions whether to have one or more kids?

Better development?

Every time I hear from my mom that it is must to have 2 kids, so that they can have sibling love. The development goes healthier and more progressive. But I question, then what was wrong with the 1st child? Didn’t he get to be more progressive one?

Sibling Love ?

I have seen siblings drifting apart once they get mature and tracing their own individual paths. It is just to say that they are siblings. I really fear that. I think, kids can during their course of life make such friends who are more than sibling to them. Does only blood relations matter?

More Social ?

Yes, 2nd or 3rd kid may be more social than the 1st one. But is sociality directly proportional to no.of kids? As of now, I have one kid and we have left no stone unturned to make him social. Agree, he took little long, but as he reaches 3 years now, I find him way too social. He loves interacting with one an all, even the unknown people smiling at him.

Managing Finances ?

Metro cities are too costly than what people back at home think. Every penny counts. Child has to have a competitive education, Medication plans, extracurricular developments, maintenance of a standard lifestyle. There can be no compromises on the games, daily requisites, foods, health and so many other things. Schooling and medication specially is so costly. I have experienced that Pre schools are costlier than the formal ones. And yes, all parents want the best medical facilities for a family and more so for their child. Managing Finances seem really a big hurdle in this thought.

Parent’s love?

Then we need that a child should get all of mother’s and father’s love. If mama quits her job, how can just daddy bear so much responsibility of earning? There has to be a balance to get that family life. Both have to earn, either from home or at corporates along with rearing a child the best possible way. We can not always be the best, but we all try to be the best for our child.

A friend at home?

Due to generation gap between parents and kids, it is true that siblings bond much better together. They can discuss issues openly with each other. An elder sibling usually becomes mentor or guide to the younger one.[This is what happened with me personally]. But, I have seen many sibling’s love gets crewed up, full of jealously, comparisons, complexes as well. What then?

Age factor of Mama?

I’ve seen so many high risk pregnancies. I really fear, since complications increase with the age. Those factors leads to undue mental stress and agonies. And that too with a kid at home, waiting to be hugged. The uncertainty of disorders in the neonatal baby also frightens me a lot. In India, the society yet doesn’t accepts much, hence the fear doesn’t gets grounded.

My thought :

I am for sure perplexed of the thought of having own 2nd child. But I think even if someday we tap that we want to have more kids, I would rather think to adopt an orphan. Somebody, who has not been so lucky to get parents love. There are so many kids, beautiful and adorable waiting to land in a mother’s lap, to hug someone they can call parents, and to play with someone called as siblings. Every child is a gift of love full of innocence and purity. Why not complete the family and have a good deed ticked in our lives. What can be more than to give your heart away to a child who is yet to know what love means.

I would seriously request my readers to share their personal thoughts and opinions on this subject matter. I’m also running a poll for this, the results of which will be updated on this site only.

Click here to answer the poll.

Hoping to hear from you all in comments section as well as in poll! Till then, cheers to all the Parents!

Dilemma of one child or more

  1. Jojo Hua

    I was just chatting to my friends the other day who have had their first baby. They are also facing this dilemma, they don’t know whether to have another one, but they’d like their first baby to have a sibling to play with 🙂

    1. Jhilmil

      Ha ha, im sure many couples will…but till now looking at my poll and comments I see that if you are financially strong, you should go with it and have atleast 2 kids

  2. Rose Mont

    You bring up some interesting thoughts but I think no matter how many you have 1 or more everything works itself out. I have 4. It never crossed my mind that they needed someone to play with it was a personal choice to have more then one. Then I got remarried and had 2 more. The expense part is true. You can pass down clothes to other kids but you still have to feed them, medical expenses, activities/events and other things. Good luck in your decision whether you adopt or have another.

  3. Stella Nadene

    Honestly, I think it should be determined by what the parents can handle. I think there have been enough studies to prove that only children develop just fine as an only child. And as someone who has 3 kids–they will STILL tell me they’re bored and have no one to play with and want a friend to come over even though there are 3 of them!! lol! Seriously, just pray and talk about it, the answer will come to you in time! 🙂

    1. Jhilmil

      Interesting when people say that with 3kids they don’t have someone to play with..I guess it also depends of siblings age n tunings! So happy you shared your perspective..

  4. Kate

    It must be a hard decision. I think it should be up to what the adults can handle financially. A lot of people get in deep water by not planning it out and going with their feelings instead of some planning. Either way, all the best!

  5. Shell

    I never really thought about not having more than one… when our oldest was three we just felt ready to add to our family,,, we never discussed the pros and cons of raising a single child vs more.

  6. Minakshi bajpai

    According to my opinion there should be atleast two kids. I also thought that one kid is enough for us and we will give her everything what she want. But as the years passed my daughter herself demands that she want someone to play with at her own house someone who is hers only. And we felt bad that we are not giving her that what she wants. So finally we decided to have one more kid. And then we realize the importance of having two kids. Now both are happy with each other and loves each other a lot.

  7. Udita Saklani

    Even though I am a single mum right now, and I don’t know if I will have another id or not.But right from beginning I was of the notion, that have one and give him/her the best.I mean just for sibling love , I would rather not press in for another child! And yes that is so true, that ultimately siblings do drift apart

  8. C-Ludik

    Going from one child to two (or two to three or more) is a dilemma couples wrestle with, sometimes for years. I guess although each situation is unique, the profound confusion surrounding the question of having more children is similar. Some people begin with a very practical approach and ask themselves questions like these: what will we give up in time, money, freedom etc. But, there’s more going on that affects choice…the emotional impulses secretly influence judgment !

  9. Natasha

    We have 4 kiddos and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I don’t think I ever had a question of having more than one child but I could see how others could.

  10. kingteeuhh

    I always feel bad for people who are the only child. Having siblings is amazing for so many reasons and I think it helps develop one’s personality a lot (how you interact with others, selfish, etc)

  11. Lana

    I am stacked on the question : have or not to have more children? Your post talks a lot to me as speaks about great points that I am considering right now. thanks!

  12. eliza

    You are absolutely right that opinions varies for this topic, for me it will really depends on couples perspective, principle, goals and their situation. But I also believe that every child is a blessing, and there are a lot of couples out there.. including me, trying to have a child but wasn’t blessed yet ?

  13. arra odeza (@acodeza)

    I grew up in a big family. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and my daughter got pregnant when she’s already at the age of 46. It’s very hard financially and most of the times we argue even on small things. Now that I have my own family, my husband and I agreed to have only 2 children. We both grew in a poor family so we wanted to give our child what we didn’t had before.

  14. Fatima

    This is such an interesting post. I just have one boy right now and he will be turning 3 in a few month’s time, so I need to take the decision of having another baby or not.

  15. Jen S

    I hope I don’t have this dilemma for a long time! To be honest, I’m not even sure if I want kids at all (although I know I want to foster). These are some important considerations!

  16. Hitasha

    It was an interesting read. Infact, many of my friends are in the similar dilema whether to be happy with 1 kid or to think off another one.

  17. Aditinona

    I have been a single child myself and now have a son only.. and I don’t think its difficult at all.. it completely depends on individual choices and how you bring up your child.. It can be a difficult decision for some.. but I guess both are good..everything has another side to it

  18. sj

    This is a really interesting topic, many couple think about their second child under social pressure but adoption is no doubt a better option. ?

  19. mommyingmaars

    I had originally just wanted…zero! I thought I’d never get married, or have children for that matter. I ended up with three. When we had the first, I vowed I’d never have one again. Well six years after the first, the second came, and boom a year later I had the third. It’s crazy where life goes. The thing is we can plan all we want, sometimes things just happen for a reason we don’t always understand.

    Maria | https://imommy.co

  20. Jenni Petrey

    We have two children. After our first child was born we were asked when we were going to have a second. After our second arrived we were constantly asked about a third. It actually annoyed me as everyone seems to have an opinion and it really isn’t the business of anyone else other than the couple involved.

  21. Judy

    Well second child is a tricky decision. I am a mother of 2.5 yr old and now when people talk about having another child, I don’t know what to say.

  22. Catvills

    My parents did a lot of planning. They had a child every 4 years. That gave them ample time to focus on the newborn before another child came along. I have three kids of my own and I would not have it anyother way. Yes, it is difficult financially, especially when all of them were in college at the same time. I always look to it as blessings. God entrusted me to nurture and raise three human beings to be responsible, loving, kind and charitable adults. I am almost there. 🙂

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